Been getting so little sleep during Ramadan. Not really complaining. I love Ramadan, I'm sad that it's leaving us soon. But the waking up to go to work part has been the most challenging bit for me!

Normally I will wake up for Sahur at 4.30am, prepare meals, eat, clean up, do the laundry, pray, get a really short nap before waking up again for work. But the quiet time before dawn always feels nice and calm. I feel terrible that I sometimes miss my Subuh prayers on normal days cause that  is one of the best time to have a heart to heart talk with God. Sometimes we rush our prayers, cut short our doas during Zohor, Asar, Maghrib and Isyak cause there's all sorts of disturbance, things at the back of our mind to do, it's hard to dedicate that quiet time.

Subuh is when I will sit at the sejadah for as long as I can to just "talk" to God. Sometimes we just feel so small and helpless. Our life is not sunshine and rainbow all the time. People are not nice to you sometimes. Everyone has their own problems. We all face difficulties and hardships at some point of our lives. Anger, dissatisfaction, disappointment. Sometimes you accidentally speak bad of strangers when you see their postings online. All this on top of your struggle to keep your prayers 5 times a day and to jaga your aurat, just makes you feel like this terrible, terrible person.

You try and want to be a good Muslim, you know deep down you want to do as many amal ibadah and get as many pahala but you sin so much on daily basis intentionally and unintentionally.

Sometimes your life doesn't just get better so easily or quickly. Certain pain takes time to heal, certain struggles takes time to be overcome. Sometimes God doesn't answer your prayers instantly, you've made the same doa for countless times but you're still hoping for it to be fulfilled. 

Though you can't "hear" from Him, but there's always comfort in seeking solace from God and it puts your mind at ease.